dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
