this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
