No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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