Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
