if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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