I wish you could order shots online.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
