the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i barfeds in our rink
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
