It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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