My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
