yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
