I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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