Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
