i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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