Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
