it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
