you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
