I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
only you would photoshop your dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
