he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
