I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
