Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
