I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
