so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
