So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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