i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize