you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
