Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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