Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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