went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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