Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
