I wanna passion pit in your ass
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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