Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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