it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The air was thick with penises
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
