You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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