Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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