I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
