Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
