I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
