She's JV to your varsity
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
