went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
