you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
