Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
