sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
