roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BRING THE BAGELS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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