HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
