A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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