Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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