Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
