My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
