I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
