HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize