I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
