even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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