So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
