I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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