I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
