I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
