so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
