spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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