you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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