I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
