I got chris browned last night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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