It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
