NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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