He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
